OVERCOMING UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
person felt obligated to respond immediately and felt like they had to fix every issue that arose because of the text, call, or email. After all, this was a close relationship! This family member’s actions disrupted this person’s life to the point where the stress was overwhelming and put a significant strain on the relationship. No matter how this person communicated to their family member, they did not respect the boundaries they tried to set in place. My recommenda- tion was to temporarily block the family member’s phone number from calls and texts, and also to block their email address—both for two weeks.
At first, this person was very unsure if they could even go for three days. Admittedly, it was challenging. However, even if you decided to go cold turkey from caffeine or sugar, you will possibly experience headaches, shakes, and cravings for at least three to five days. When you break through the wall of the side effects, it becomes easier to focus, set boundaries, and find ways to clearly communicate those boundaries in a loving, dignified way. It also becomes easier to enforce them.
When we met two weeks later, this person was ecstatic and said, “You would be so proud of me! I was able to go the full two weeks!” The result of the two-week hiatus was an ability to set healthy boundaries, which were heard loud and clear through radio-silence. The family member now understood that the boundaries were not merely suggestions. This person broke away for a temporary time to bring reconciliation. The coachee felt like they had regained control of their time and life.
Of course, the process had not been completed, as this person still needed to go back to their family member and reconnect. Reconciliation needed to take place along with re-communicating the boundaries and rules of engagement. In the end, this person’s connection to their family member became healthier and stronger.
Sometimes it is essential to disconnect when things are going poorly in the relationship, and especially when your relationship with God is suffering because of it. A ministry started by Saddleback Church called Celebrate Recovery is very proficient in helping people accomplish this disconnection. You can find these groups in your local area and visit if you feel you are surrounded by dysfunction and cannot break the cycle.
“Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.” (Prov. 13:20)
Steps to Take for Disconnection
We have spent a lot of time understanding why our relationship to God and others can be damaged. The question is now how to disconnect from unhealthy